Can you hear me? What language and I speaking? By: Denise Orsulak

Can you hear me?  What language am I speaking?

It’s been awhile since I have not been “heard”.  You know you say something and the person you are talking to doesn’t get what you are saying.  You say it again in a different way over and over again.  You feel like a broken record.  It’s frustrating to get nowhere.

So what happens next?  It’s funny I witnessed 2 very different responses to the same situation.  My reaction to not being heard was to not bother and walk away.  My friend’s response was more direct- Ah Hello! Are you listening to me?  I wanted to avoid the conflict at all cost, and she was ready to go for it.  We were both feeling our frustrations build as the miscommunications progressed.

This experience made me stop and think.  And eventually write this little post.

It’s really hard when you feel like you are not being heard! 

It’s happens all the time. It happens between parents and kids.  It happens between partners in business and life.  It happens with our friends.  Really it happens all the time!

When this happens to you once and a while, it might just be annoying or frustrating, but you can take a deep breath and move on or come back to the conversation at a later time.  We might need to have compassion for the person who does not understand us and a bit for ourselves as well.  And maybe it’s Ok if we are not understood, if it’s someone we won’t see again or need to have a close relationship with, maybe we can let it go.  We can’t expect everyone to understand us all of the time. 

When it is or seems to be happening all the time, chronically not being heard, resentments might start to build.  This could be especially with people who are close to us or who we have interactions with on a daily basis.  If you are not being heard by your parent, child, boss, friend, sister, or brother, anger might build as well blocking the communication even more. 

You might actually need to get some help to learn each other’s language.  You might need to apply different techniques of listening or speech.   It might take effort and work to come to a place of awareness or to a place where understanding can occur.  A broken communication system wears us down and puts strain on those relationships that mean the most to us.  You might notice this strain is more apparent during the holiday season.  Be mindful of it and breathe.  With a little patience we might all be heard. 

I’m just wondering what you do when you feel like you are not heard?  Please share your thoughts and comments below so we can all learn from each other!

Warmly,

Denise