Life Changed and Changed and Changed................ .By: Denise Orsulak

Life Changed and Changed and Changed…

The School District where I reside has released plans for the fall of 2020.  And it’s depressing.  Another loss.  Even though we know the reality of the situation we are in, there has been no reprieve from any of it.  A never ending string of disappointments without a chance of recovery.  How do we navigate?  I am not sure.  

There is no room for blame or selfishness.  It is a new reality.  This is a new reality. One that needs to be navigated by all.  There needs to be more compassion, not less.  More living in someone else’s shoes, not less.  There still might be a lot of grieving and for a long period of time.  It just is.  “Life as it is” is not always pretty.  It’s not always easy.  

I have been through hard times before, but this is by far the most difficult in my lifetime for me.  Your experience may be different.  And I would love to hear it. I am one who usually is hopeful but not so much this past week or so.  My reserve is low.  My capacity for hope has been diminished. 

I recently read this excerpt from Becoming Wise An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art if Living by Krista Tippett.  In the Chapter Titled Hope Reimagined, Krista writes “In a century of staggering open questions, hope becomes a calling for those of us who can hold it, for the sake of the world. Hope is distinct in my mind, from optimism and idealism. It has nothing to do with wishing.  It references reality at every turn and reveres truth.”   I feel like I have been that person in the past to hold onto hope, but do not have the strength in me right now to do so.  This realization is also disappointing but real and true to me at the moment.  But I ask you, can you be that person?  Can you take a turn at holding the hope for those of us who can not in this moment?  If the answer is yes!  Do it and do it now!  We need you.  

Krista goes on to say “Hope, like every virtue is a choice that becomes a practice that becomes spiritual muscle memory,  It’s a renewable resource for moving through life as it is, not as we wish it to be.” So my “hope muscle” is a bit atrophied at the moment. 

Just like any muscle that becomes weak because of disuse or trauma.  You need to work at rebuilding it.  From my experience as a physical therapist, I can tell you that is not easy work.  But it’s still worth rebuilding so you can regain full function and find ease again in your daily activities.  So if your hope muscle memory is lacking from the trauma of Covid-19, I completely understand where you are coming from.  It’s time to rebuild it and find a way back to a functional ease in our lives.  It’s accepting the changes that happen over and over again.  It’s asking another to take a turn holding hope when you can not.  

For me writing this is one of my ways to work out that hope muscle again to reach those of you who might have felt this same way sometime in the last 5 months, who are feeling it now, and who might get to feel this way in the near future.  Practice is never easy.  Practice can be down right hard. 

Glennon Doyle Writes in Untamed “If you are uncomfortable-in deep pain, angry, yearning, confused- you don’t have a problem, you have a life.  Being human is not hard because you are doing it wrong, it’s hard because you’re doing it right.  You will never change the fact that being human is hard, so you must change your idea that it was ever supposed to be easy in the first place.”

So my friends, welcome to being human in a new and unique environment for us. There are going to be a lot more changes headed our way.  I do hope that we can process and digest and move along in a better way.  Maybe me writing this right now is my way to start rebuilding that muscle.  I hope so.

Be well and love to you all,

Denise

PS: Feel free to share below and thoughts or feelings on this post.