As a mother I have been trying to teach my kids to be themselves their whole lives.  It’s a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, not just kids.  But kids, especially teenagers, are trying to figure out who they are.  They have strengths and weaknesses like we all do.  They are just not as tuned in to what those are always.  Really so many adults are not aware of their strength and weaknesses as well.

Listen Up!  DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY for anyone!

This is for the kids as well as the adults out there who may be reading.  We are born with inherent traits that who we are.  Accepting them and working with them is the way to be our best selves.  If you’re a serious person, you might always be on the serious side.  It’s doesn’t mean you can’t soften around that personality trait, but that really might be who you are.  That goes for any trait really.

Recently an adult in my son’s life told him “you should change your personality”.  This is a direct quote.  Luckily, I was there to hear the comment myself or I would not have believed it.

Seriously people.  Can we think about what comes out of our mouths?  I was a little shocked to say the least.  I am usually not stunned into silence, but this time I was.  And that is not an easy thing to do.

I think I didn’t say a word at that moment because I knew it didn’t matter.  A younger version of myself may have stood up and gotten extremely angry and would have shared a few choice words with this person and may have stormed out of the room.  But what would that have proved? I just knew it was this person’s true colors coming out.  I did get angry, but it was good not to re-act in such a way.  I calmed down and thought about the situation and talked about the situation with my son.  And I did respond and let my thoughts be know in a calm and reasonable way.

If someone wants you to change WHO YOU ARE…that someone has A LOT TO LEARN.

Sometimes we do have to examine OUR BEHAVIORS and they indeed should change.  When someone calls out our behavior, it gives us a chance to examine and explore how we act and respond to stimuli.  We might be grateful to them because sometimes our behaviors are habits that we don’t even notice because we have been responding in an unconscious way.  And whenever we are unconscious or not present, those habits can be holding us back.

But if someone wants you to change your personality, there are telling you that you are not good enough as you are.  We need to surround ourselves by people who accept who we are.

We all need to come from a place of wholeness.  When I teach kids or adults yoga, I often remind them who they are is who they are.

We need serious people, goofy people, emotional people, passionate people, stubborn people, thoughtful people, truthful people, pushy people, direct people, and all the other types of people.

What you call a negative personality trait may be a real benefit to that person.  Even those traits that we think are negative still make up the whole person.

We need to be kind.  Examine our own behaviors.  Let’s stop asking people to change who they are.  Let’s look at the big picture and focus on people’s strengths and behaviors.  And if someone needs to change a behavior, focus on that.
Pretending to be something you are not wounds our soul, our self-esteem, and drains our energy.

If you are in a position working with children, can you please build them up and not bring them down.  Be thoughtful of your words when interacting with them.  Words matter.  People matter.

I am grateful for this person for giving me a real-life experience to talk to my son about.  This is a difficult lesson for him to learn at such a young age. It’s better to learn now not to bow down and compromise who you are for someone else.  But I know someone else in the future will ask him to change who he is.  This happens to all of us.  And you must make a choice.  Continue to interact with that person or cut the ties. You always have a choice.

In this situation, the choice is clear.  Time to move on from the interaction and relationship with this person.
Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those that do don’t mine- Dr. Seuss
 
BE YOU!
Love,
Denise

Do you have the tools to find acceptance?  When you are in a situation when there is no good choice...you might feel conflicted, angry, exhausted, sorrow, hurt, or pain.

You must feel all the feelings.  Really feel them and let them come through to come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't come easy.  There might be a mental temper tantrum that happens, a kicking and screaming in your brain.

As a parent, we share our children’s' joys and sorrows, pain and happiness.  It's no joke.  It might bring flash backs of your past.  Painful memories that we thought were behind us might be re-lived again and again.

Better to experience those feelings even if they bring sorrow and tears.  But when all that emotion is processed, Acceptance may come to you.  

From a place of acceptance and presence, we can think through options and sit with information.

Acceptance is elusive, it can sneak away.  When it does, feelings can begin to churn again.  This is now.  This is what is happening now.  This is how I am feeling now.  This reminds me of when....what?

Bringing yourself back to right now, to present moment, allows us to lasso acceptance and reel it back to a place where we can grasp and hold onto it. 

Talking to people who have your back, sitting still in meditation, being in silence, might be some of the threads of the lasso that make it strong enough to capture the elusive acceptance.

We need a tool or tools to keep bringing acceptance back again and again.  It can be too fast and agile without the tools.  You can never move forward without that first step.

Remember when you are the most tired, exhausted, beat up, you still have tools to get you through those times.  YOU need to find the energy to use the tools you have at your disposal.

When acceptance is captured, there is a calm that might settle over you...the underlying emotions still might be present as well...but the calm is there all the same.

That calm is the place to make your decisions from.  Never a moment before.  

I hope that you have some tools that help you find and hold onto acceptance when you need it most.

Your tool box might include some kind of exercising, running, painting, journaling, screaming in the car, breathing, yoga practices, meditation, watching a sad or happy movie, reading, punching a pillow or punching bag, hiking, playing with your dog, talking with friends or a therapist.  

What do you do to process emotions to find acceptance when you are in a difficult situation?  Share so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise

Perspective and Experience.  Both things I think I have.  Both those things you can't bestow on another living being.

With perspective and experience, you can see when a situation needs to be addressed and changed.

With perspective and experience, you know there is only one outcome to a situation.

When you don't have perspective and experience, it seems like holding on to sameness is the way to go.

That change will give you freedom.  It will give you a chance to start over and release the burdens you have been carrying.

With perspective and experience, it's not quitting but moving on.

By moving on, you release the old patterns and start fresh.  You can open new doors that can take you to new places.

Yes starting fresh can be scary.  Anything new is.  Be brave!  Feel the scary and move on anyway!

In certain situations, there is no reason to stay.  Staying when you cannot change a situation is not brave or honorable or even good for you.  

It wears you down over time.  You might lose focus.  You might get tired.  You might get angry, resentful, frustrated.  Life is too short for any of those things, but you only realize that with perspective and experience.

Ever feel helpless when you could see something that another person could not?  You know you can’t change someone’s mind, because something they must learn for themselves.  How do you deal with that?  This perspective and experience blog arose from a situation that my 15-year-old needed to figure out on his own.  As a mother, it’s such a hard place to be in.

Share below so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise

Ever have a people suck week?
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That's what I was thinking until the Universe or God or Whoever sent me a message.

Sometimes we can get caught up in the negativity of the world.  Yeah sometimes people suck.

But most of the time they don't.  When we are having a particularly trying week, you might start to believe this.  We say it in our heads, we notice more when people are at their worst.  It can become a negative mantra of sorts.  

If it really gets stuck in your head, it can turn into a belief.  Growing up my dad had this belief.  And it really brought him down.  You start just seeing the negative and you miss out on the positive.

For me, I truly believe people are mostly good.  This doesn't apply to everyone because there are plenty of people who do bad things.  Unfortunately, news is filled with this.  There is not a balance of headline with people doing amazing great things.  

So as I was going along having this false statement of people suck in my mind when BAM...

2 Messages come to me:

The first one "You're only human"  a direct quote to me from a very loving and kind Thai Yoga Bodywork client of mine who I had forgotten to put on my schedule when I was sick and who waited for me to come in after she kindly texted me to see where I was and gave me time to get my butt to the studio to see her.

Yep I am human.  I tell people that all the time when I am teaching yoga.  I'm blessed that there was someone there to remind and reflect this back to me.  Because it's a lot easier to say this to others than it is to say it to our self.

And message two, came through just a day later.  A stranger bought me a coffee.  I never saw this woman before.  She was in line ahead of me.  I smiled at her and said hello.  I ordered and she quickly presented a gift card on her phone.  My thoughts changed in an instant.  So many questions popping in to my head all at once....

Did she sense I was having a bad week?  Was she just planning on buying a stranger coffee that morning?  
I was stunned at first.  I did turn toward her in time to thank her as she walked quickly out the door.  

I continued to process and felt perplexed and full of emotion.  I had to hold back tears.  Were they tears of joy? Relief? Happiness? A combination?

People don't suck.  Of course, I know that.  Thank you! Is all I can say to Universe or Whoever sent me the message.  I am grateful that I was mindful enough to realize these messages and reset my thoughts. I want to believe people are good at their core.

Did you ever get a message from God or the Universe?  How was it delivered?  Did it give you hope?  

Share in the comment section below so we can all learn from each other!

With Love,
​Denise