Isn't it true? It's hard to keep track of what day it is. When we don't change our environment, we don't have the cues that we are used to. 

I'm teaching more days so that hasn't helped me remember which day is what. And I still don't know what "my schedule" is.

This calendar was a little gift from a student around Christmas. If you look closely at the cow, the word FAITH is printed underneath him.

I pretty much lost my faith last week and was in a deep dark hole for a couple of days. I couldn't stop sobbing one day. Of course, the anxiety and fear around the pandemic- the not knowing is difficult for everyone. 

For those of you who this past month had been a "break" you should be very grateful. For those of you who have a job, be grateful. For those of you with health insurance, be grateful. 

For my family, it's not been such a break. I've been hustling to get classes on the online schedule and to make the process as smooth as possible.
My husband doesn't have a job now and hasn't for 6 weeks and that's been stressful. 2/3 of my business is on hold because of the pandemic. I went to schools and did some amazing one on one hands on work with people in pain or for people who just wanted to stay healthy. 

I really miss that work- I guess I can be grateful that now I know this is certainly true for me.

When my husband’s job ended so did our health insurance. In a time when you need health insurance, there is no way in my mind how we can go without. So, I struggled. 

I struggled with the idea of not having enough money to pay my bills, I struggled with the fact that health insurance is really really expensive. For a family of 4 it's going to be pretty much a second mortgage payment. 

So many questions! You might have your own version.

How long will my husband be out of work? Will my business survive this? Should I go back and get a full time Physical Therapy Job for the benefits? Will we have enough in our savings? Will I get the unemployment compensation? Will I have to dip into my retirement accounts? How long will we need to be at home? When will more answers come about this virus? ect. ect. ect.

Ugg! So many questions. AND NO ANSWERS.

I cried and I was angry and I wanted to scream about the system being broken. About my bad luck, about the state of the world. I needed to be miserable. At least for a few days. To feel the misery all the way down to the core of my being.

Then I accepted. I cannot change any of this. I am healthy right now and so is my family. I do have an emergency fund and money in retirement funds that we can use when and if we need it. I can go back and work in a hospital or nursing home or outpatient center when and if I need to.

I NEVER WANT TO FORGET HOW THIS FEELS!!!
I don't want to forget the misery and if you get there too, I can sit by you and be there as you experience it and give you strength to be in it. FULLY.

Because when this is over, there needs to be changes.

Change in our healthcare system
Change in how insurance works
Changes so people can have living wages
Changes in how we do things
Changes so people have housing they can afford
Changes to care about the environment
Changes that keep us connected and feeling on a deeper level

AND IT WILL ONLY CHANGE IF WE ALL REMEMBER WHAT WE ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW.

So feel those feelings, my friends, and know you and no one else knows the answers yet. And when you get through the other side, I hope we all can see things in a new light, a new way, find perspective.

I hope we all do.

Love,

Denise

Today was a day for tears: Tears of frustration, tears of gratitude, tears of joy.

On and off throughout the day they flowed, and it was good.

It was good to let them flow to release those feeling and be in the moment.

To force myself to take a deep breath.

To surrender to the now.

Now I want to cry so cry.

Now I want to scream so scream.

Now I want to rest and turn off the news and distract myself from reality so do that too.

Now it’s time to check in with someone and connect in a very different way than I am an accustomed to.

Today was a day for tears.

And tomorrow is a day for hope and love and being here now and being adaptable and flexible in my mind.

And being present in my body.

Keep thinking about now and now and now over, and over again
​.
Love,
Denise

​Is LIFE all up in your face at the moment? This was the title of this blog just last Saturday.  But now I feel like it should read when the world has turned upside down.
Someone recently asked me how I was doing? And this was my reply: “LIFE IS ALL UP IN MY FACE”.  It’s in Caps because that how it feels to me.  LIFE is unpredictable.  There is so much out of our control and as human beings that all we want.  We want to feel like we are in control.  Sadly, we are not and can never control all the things we wish we could. 
I don’t think I am the only one with LIFE ALL UP IN MY FACE EITHER.  People are struggling.  Struggling with fear (Coronavirus), sadness (a sick/or aging family member), despair (mental illness with seemingly no fast and easy treatment options), grief (for a relationship that isn’t going to take flight), uncertainty (job restructuring), anger and surprise (dog getting attacked), or physical pain (chronic illness).  And I know there is many more situations that can be added to the list.
As human beings one thing does connect us and that is pain. We will always have pain in our lives not matter what you call it.  (SEE ABOVE).  In Yoga teachings, they say pain is inevitable, but suffering is not.  
Pain (emotional, physical, or spiritual) is going to happen to us all at one point or another or even several points throughout our lifetime.  We have to figure out how to relate to the pain, so we don’t suffer. 
If you were already in PAIN or had anxiety and stress in your life before the whole Wednesday announcements of closures of everything, financial markets crashing, supermarket buy outs, then you have been doubly hit in this extremely stressful time. 
We all have to do one thing right now and that first step is Acceptance.
This is happening and there is nothing you can do to change it.  You can’t wish this or any pain you might be feeling away, but you can say “yes I see you and I accept this now”.  Then from here that point of acceptance, we have choices.
We have been through similar tough times before and in my lifetime.  We all came together after 9/11 and there were so many kind and helpful people during that time…we can be the same way now.
We have lived through market and financial hardships.  And I know this might be causing a hardship for so many people who are self employed and don’t have paid time off this is going to hurt and its going to be scary.
We have all probably experience a bad sickness or injury or some other discomfort of body.  We know what that is like and this is similar.  Remember even if you get sick from this virus, most of us will be ok. We are now trying to protect those who are at their weakest health wise and we all should do our part.
Please remember all your feelings are valid.  Feel them and try to let them go.  Visualization can help you.  Feel the knot in your chest or your stomach and imagine it unwinding.  Or steam coming off as you release your breath.  We can change how we feel in this moment.
Remove yourself from stimuli that negatively affect you- that can be news or negative people.
Get more rest than you think you need.  The collective anxiety is affecting everyone and making us tired and irritable and irrational.  That is a drain on your body systems.  Nap.  Go to sleep at the same time even if you don’t have to go to school or work in the morning.
Get outside the weather here outside of Philadelphia has been mild go outside in your yard, be in nature.
Distract yourself.  Distraction can be a good tool for coping with stressful situations.  Probably in bad taste but we have been watching disaster movies on TV, I’m thinking maybe the new Planet of the Apes next.
Keep a routine.  Add to the routine-get stuff done around the house or get back to making music or art or anything else you like to do. Read a book or learn something new on YouTube.
Get fit.  If you are not commuting you might have extra time to get fit- go for a walk, watch a live or recorded yoga video with us even, since that is now happening with Facebook live and zoom.
And last but not least breathe a lot, fully and mindfully feel the breath coming in and out of your body, focus on that slow exhalation to reset your nervous system.
Reach out if you need support of any kind.  We will try our best to help.
Thanks for reading, stop by our Facebook page to watch us and get helpful ways to be less stressed.
Love,

Denise

​My closet is now back to normal. On October 1st I decided to participate in a 3-month challenge to just dress with 33 items. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, but I was committed to the process.
 
On the day before the challenge began for me, I emptied out my whole closet and pick the 33 items I thought would serve me best from October 1st to December 31st. Not easy. But it was doable. I boxed up all the other things in a plastic bin and moved it out of my room. All the things I was wearing could fit into about a quarter on the top hanging rack.
 
It didn't seem like much. But what I learned was it was enough. Surprisingly so. I will say that again, it was enough. There were a couple of times I wanted to cheat a little in the challenge. It was over a week and I didn't do laundry and there were just a few items left of my 33. I walked into my spare room and grabbed something else to wear and had to talk myself out and take off the item. It was about 2 weeks left until the end.
 
What I learned:
 
1)Temptations are real. And it's better to just remove them completely. I think this goes for any challenge you are going to do.
 
2) Comfort is important to me. There was one item in my 33 that I wore only once and only for a few hours because it wasn't that comfortable.
 
3) Sometimes you must be practical. I initially picked out an embroidered pain of jeans, but it only went with one other of my 33 and that wasn't going to last me the 3 months, so I swapped out those for a plain pair.
 
4) Colors make me happy. My wardrobe was toned down quite a bit, so I had more things that matched each other, but colors really brighten my mood.
 
5) No one noticed. And I told all the people who were coming to the yoga studio that I was doing the challenge. I even had people ask are you still doing it because they couldn't believe they couldn't tell.
 
6) I took much better care of the stuff I had because there wasn't an excess.
 
7) It helped me to stick with it by telling a lot of people. It was helpful for them to ask me how it was going. Another good tip if you are challenging yourself to do something different.
 
8) It was a little tricky to do this because of the weather. There was a fluctuation between 19 and 90 degrees.
 
9) I deserve to look and feel good, so the snug, worn, or not right clothes got donated.
 
10) I will do Project #333 again. I'm thinking June 1-August 31st to see if I learn anything else. I'm sure I will.
 
I was tempted to keep the items out of my closet but changed my mind. I am going to use my old trick of a robe belt. Every time I do the wash, I hang what I wore in front of that belt. By the end of the winter, I will consider donating any winter clothes I have not worn.
 
I love to experiment with these kinds of things. We don't know what enough is, until we feel it and live it. In general, I feel we have way too much. Having enough lets us focus on other things, gives us more time, and there is less effort taking care of all the excess.
 
Now I am looking at the excess plastic in my life. I want to reduce the amount my family and I use. Looking forward to any tips and tricks I might learn to find a way to help the environment. If we all do a little, will it be enough? I don't know but I want to do my part. Will write more on that as I progress in that process.
 
Warmly,
 
Denise


PS: I have a video of my closet during the challenge posted on my instagram page and also photos of my closet before and during the clean out. 

 https://www.instagram.com/balancedforlifeyoga/

Weeping is very descriptive.  Don’t you think?

It’s not like crying. It’s more of a bone shaking, tear flowing, trying to regain your breathing, nose running event.  You weep when you have deep sadness.  You might not even know that sadness is there until it appears.

I had time today to come to my mat and just move.  In the process of that movement, I was brought to tears.  I noticed a deep sadness.

What was it about?  To be honest I wasn’t sure.

As I continued to practice, I realized it was multi-level and multi-dimensional.  Flashes of realization, not all coherent, running through my mind with corresponding feelings in my body.  The present moment at its best and worse.

• There was sadness for expectations that were reasonable and unreasonable.
• Sadness for the state of the world, the hatred and misgivings of so many.
• Sadness for other’s trauma and struggle.
• Sadness for not knowing or not understanding and feeling powerless to change things.
• Sadness for a deep sensitivity and the need for a hard, outer shell to survive.
• Sadness for judgement that jumped into my mind, for missteps and mistakes, and for perfect being a fallacy

Sometimes you need your outer shell to crack, to feel deeply-TO WEEP.

Yoga can be scary at times because it makes you feel.  It lessens the defenses and lets emotions be expressed, if you allow them to come. 

This can happen in a physical practice, a meditation practice, a breathing practice, or just a mindfulness practice. 

Don’t be afraid if this happens to you!  You won’t break and you are not weak when emotions come to the surface.

It might occur when you need a change or to release something you were holding on to, or when you need to rest.  Just know that it can happen.  And hopefully it makes you feel better after it does.

I challenge you to weep if you need to-on your mat or off.  Maybe tell a friend about it or write about it.  And let it go and move on.  Release the sadness.

We need all the feelings.  We need to be able to weep so we can feel joy.  Know all feelings are fleeting and ever changing.  If sadness persists, please find someone to help, we all need a little help sometime as well.
 
Love,

Denise

So I started Project 333 on 10/1/19.  What is that? Well it’s a challenge to dress with 33 items for 3 months.  You can find all the details here https://bemorewithless.com/project-333/ 
No shopping.  You pack away all the rest of your clothing and see what it feels like to dress with less. #project333

My closet looks so empty now.  You can see my initial video on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/balancedforlifeyoga/ 

Most of my clothes now hang in just a tenth of the space that I needed before.  I do feel resistance to this project coming up almost daily. An urge to just get what I want out of the other room.  This is interesting to see. I have to keep telling myself to STOP, you are going to see this through.  It’s just 3 months. It’s funny. Even though the resistance is there, I have learned a lot already from the experiment.

1. The term “Dirty clothes” is relative.  When you have only 33 items to wear, for example a sweater or the only pair of jeans that as part of your 33 items, you choose to NOT as quickly throw them into the laundry basket.  I have been hanging those items up and really thinking about if they are truly dirty or not. This will probably improve the life of my garments and also help with decreasing the amount of laundry I am doing each week.

2. Colorful Clothing make me and others happy.  I had to choose more practical choices for my 33 clothing items.  Things that went with each other. I initially had a pair of jeans that just went with one t-shirt and it just didn’t work out.  I had to exchange them for a plain pair that worked with all the shirts I had. People comment on my colorful yoga tights and it’s fun.  I kinda miss that 1 pair of jeans that has 1 shirt that goes with it because what I wear does change how I feel.

3. Comfort matters. So realizing I needed a more practical pair of jeans and picking a dark blue pair, after 12 hours I realized these were not comfortable enough to wear for the next 3 months.  So I donated them. I think this exercise will make me pay more attention to those things that just don’t fit me anymore either in style or shape for my body as it is now..

4. There are things I picked that I love but need to be replaced.  2 of my long sleeved shirts that are in my 33 have holes in them. That’s 6% of my wardrobe at the moment. You might not notice, but I have.  I just love the shirts so much that I am resistant to getting rid of them or replacing them. It feels good to love your clothes so much you wear them out. (But here is some resistance as well.)

5. I have a lot more time.  With fewer choices, I have more time in the evening and morning when it comes time to decide what to wear. And I  am doing less laundry.

6. After 2 weeks, there are still items I have not worn.  The weather has been all over the place here in PA.  So some of the items are more autumn type clothes like long sleeved shirts.  One is a short sleeved shirt with a lot of Bling. Might not be as comfortable as I thought.

​7. You pay more attention to where your stuff is.  Owning a yoga studio, people leave things all the time and forget about them, even jackets.  I am less likely to forget something somewhere because I will actually miss it, since I have less things to use and wear.  So maybe that is giving me a whole new appreciation for what I have.

So those have been my discoveries in the last 2 weeks.  I can’t wait to see what I discover in the next 2 ½ months.    In case you were curious, I had 220 total items including my shirts, pants, lounge wear, shoes, wraps, outerwear, boots,belts,  everything, but underwear and jewelry.

Do you think this is a crazy experiment?  Would you ever give this a try? Share with me below and let me know your thoughts.

Love,

Denise​

For me, Fall is a time of new beginnings.  I don't know if it will always feel this way, but having kids and having school start feels more like the "New Year" than the new year.  
 
There is so much organizing and juggling of schedules that happen for me, but it's a time when there is more routine.  And boy have I been wanting that. Craving it really. I have been feeling a little lost and adrift lately.  It's funny but others have been telling me that they have felt this way too.  
 
When this happens and other feel the same way, I wonder is there some energetic disturbance, is there something in the air.  I know this sounds like hippy dippy baloney, but it is often comforting to know that you are not alone in this felling of something not being quite right.
 
I had big plans to get organized and get a lot done over the summer, but that never happend.  Initially I was bored and didn't have the momentum or focus to stay on a boring task of going through paperwork or doing all the little projects that have been hanging over my head.  SO I DIDN'T DO IT.  
 
Then I felt guilty, like what's wrong with me?  I'm usually more creative!  I'm always get **it done.  I didn't even feel like reading.
 
I just had to sit with that feeling and be ok with not feeling myself.  Now that we have a new beginning. This new school year.   I have a little more energy.  BUT having time to be a bit bored and a bit lazy, maybe helped clear my mind a little.  Gave me space to think and feel a little more.
 
SO now I am looking at my priorities yet again before I set my schedule, so it's conducive to my how my energy is normally and having a balance between work and self-care and family and all the other obligations that come with living.
 
I hope that you will take this time to review your priorities as well and set boundaries on your schedule and your time so that you are living in a way that works for your body and mind and spirit. (emotionally and energetically).

Love,

Denise

​I had an adventure this weekend.  On my way to pick my son up from boy scout camp in Maryland, I noticed 2 dogs running down route 1 in Rising Sun, Maryland.  It’s a busy highway where I was traveling to and I was worried for them, so I pulled up behind the dogs on the shoulder of the road.  Another motorist in front of me, who must have passed the dogs pulled up and stopped in front of them.

We started calling the dogs, but they were a bit scared and ran away from us.  Then an amazing thing happened 2 more motorist pulled up and helped up retrieve the dogs.  We made a bit of a mess of the highway, and it took a little more time and coaxing, but we were able to contain them.  It made me feel very good about people.  The world is sometimes a pretty great place. 

(Decision 1): Now none of the other helper would take the dogs with them so I volunteered.

Yes. It was going to be a bit of a headache.  No.  I didn’t know exactly what to do.  But I knew that I needed (and wanted) to choose to help.  So, I did.  Dogs got loaded into my car, no tags, no collars.

(Decision 2): I continued my way and picked up my son and a friend from Camp where they were working.  Ugh. Now what.  Where do they boys sit?  Where does their stuff go?  Make a bunch of mini decisions.  Look up local police station. 

(Decision 3) Take a detour to the local police station.  They are closed.  Look up website again.  Call number.  No nonemergency number listed.  This isn’t an emergency.  Do I call 911?  No. OK.  Now what? 

(Decision 7 or 8):  Proceed home with said lost dogs to my home.  FYI I’m going to stop counting now. But just notice how many mini decisions that happen next.  Get home, lock my dogs away.  Find extra collars and harnesses so lost dogs can’t get away.  Ask for help from husband and daughter.  Keep dogs locked on back deck until they calmed down.  Keep my dogs separate from these dogs just in case.  Outdoors doesn’t work out, so bring dogs indoors.  Try to get dogs in my dog’s kennels.  That doesn’t work.  Have my dogs sleep in my room with my husband.  Sleep downstairs on couch with dogs locked in my kitchen and sitting room area. Post of FB page that I found dogs.

All these little decisions went on and on and on.  I couldn’t predict if I would have these dogs for the weekend or a few hours.  With the magic of Social Media, I had 2 FB messages in the am and within 14 hours of their arrival the pups back to their owner.

The point of all this information is that there were a lot of what ifs in this scenario.

AND IF I would of thought about all those things, I wouldn’t have gotten involved.  But I also would have had regret about doing nothing.  So, I needed to just go with the flow and make decisions that they needed to be made when they needed to be made.

I know it seems overwhelming to make decisions at times.  There is a real thing called decision fatigue.  You can google it.  But making decision is not so bad when you are in the moment, and don’t guess about what will happen next.

If we just wait and see what does happen first, then decide, it doesn’t wear you out as much.  That way you’re not wasting energy on the what ifs.  You can be present in the moment and feel good about yourself and gain confidence when you make decisions this way.

Please know that you have the ability to figure it out.  We all do.  But it takes decision making only when a decision needs to be made.  By practicing mindfulness and bringing yourself back to the present moment repeatedly, it helps to make this easier.

So next time you’re not sure how it’s all going to work out, just make one decision, and then another and another. 

That tactic helped me through this weekend.

I have faith in you.  Get to those decisions.

Love,

Denise

PS Did you ever do this in your life?  What was the situation?
PPS We named the dogs Bruce and Reggie.  Their real names were Spike and Luca.

(This is what 5-years-old looks like.  My daughter doesn't remember this story, but it's one I will  never forget.)

I was reminiscing and reading some of my old journal entries and wanted to share this one with you that I wrote on May 16th, 2011.  I think the lesson is even more important today in 2019.

My 5-year-old daughter confronts 2 first grade girls at our local elementary school playground who is not being nice to another girl who asks if she could play with them.  There was no fear from my 5-year-old.  Just a matter of fact "that's not nice".  I learned a lot from her that day and it's worth revisiting now.

Children can be our greatest teachers if we are open to their lessons.  

I saw the words forming on her lips from a distance, She was mouthing it to herself over and over a few times.  She looked at me and made of face of not quite understanding what the issue was at hand for these girls.  I encouraged her to speak her mind with a little nod of my head.  And she did!

The girls rationalized that this was only a 2-player game.  (They were playing kitchen with the mulch.) My 5-year-old responds by saying "you shouldn't make up the rules that way!" So true!

So many of our "rules" are just "rules" in our own mind.  They are made up and untrue.  

Shortly after that moment in time with my daughter, I had an experience of "What should I do?"  My son was playing baseball at the time.  And I overheard a coach say to one of the 8-year old boys on another team say: "You can't catch, you better be able to hit".  All I could think of was "That's not nice."  I was deeply conflicted.

I was angry and upset and knew if I heard this person speaking to my child like this there would be hell to pay.  As a coach there is no room for insults.  Were other people paying attention to what this person was saying to the children on the team?  Were they keeping quiet? Do you they recognize the negative affect this could have on an 8-year-old?  Was I blowing things out of proportion?  Maybe this person was having a bad day?  This person wasn't speaking to my kids that way, was it my business? Does anyone care? Do I care even though it wasn't my kid?  

I sat with it for a day....I DID CARE!

This was bothering me.  What should I do?  What would you do?Sometime you just have to state the obvious.  Maybe something will change, maybe it won't.  I hope this story can help you to be brave in that moment when you need to say That's just not nice.  Take the lead of my 5-year-old.  Adults can rationalize all day about a situation, where a child just might know the right thing to do.  Can you do the same? 

​What about me?  I did call the league president at the time to let them know my concern.....

You might not have any control of the outcome, but we do have a voice and can say "That's not nice".

Speak up say it's not nice.  Maybe as more of us point out the obvious.  We will feel more connected and "our collective voice" could be heard saying what needs to be said.

If a 5-year-old can do it, so can you and me!

Love,

​Denise 

Where do you spend your time?

You might not realize this, but you have all the time in the world, and so do I.  The one thing you can control is your schedule. 

You might want to look at your schedule periodically, so you can adjust it.

Take a close look at your calendar to see what it is you value the most.  You might be surprised to see where you are spending your time. 

You might say you value your family, but then spend every free moment working even when its family time  You might say you value your health, but have no time or use the excuse of being busy to not really take care of your health.  You might value being with friends or having some fun, but never do those things. 

You might not know that you are not actually living your values until you do this exercise.  You my friend are the only one who has this control. 

There is one powerful sentence that you can get familiar with to take control over your schedule and your life. 

That sentence is…NO.

NO (period) is a complete sentence.

For example:
Want to start your own company?  Say NO to TV in the evening.  Want to hang out with friends?  Say NO to clients who want the time you would spend with friends on the weekend.  Want to have a quiet hour to yourself?  Say NO to volunteering at your kid’s school that one time.  Want to get in shape? Say NO to Facebook time.  You get the idea.

But first things first:

FIRST. What are your values?
Spend a few minutes thinking about your values.  What are the 3-5 things that are important to you?  And write them down?  Here is a list of values (see below) if you are having a hard time thinking of what I am talking about. 

NEXT Practice saying no.
For example: Mom can you do my laundry? NO.  Here is how you can do it yourself.  20 minutes of time back in your schedule.

NOW Schedule things that are in line with your values.
Go for a walk with a friend- exercise and socializing. Or whatever it is you want to do but feel too busy to do.

Don’t use busy as an excuse not to live the life you want to live.

Happy exploring!  What are your values? Remember to reassess them every so often, because they can change.

Today my values include Community, Connection, Live within my means, Simplicity, Education, Self-Care and Honoring Myself.

Maybe you have more than this maybe you have less.  Share them here if you want.
​
Love,

Denise

stoppedWhen life gets busy, what’s the first thing to fall away?  Self-care? Exercise? Fun things you like to do? The answer I see more times then not for myself and in my client’s lives is YES, YES, YES.  Life gets hectic and out of control.  Someone gets sick.  There is a situation with your child you must manage.  There are extra activities and events at work and school.  A big presentation or project on the horizon?

Recently my life was just a little overwhelming.  It’s easy to say what the heck and just give up on the things that help us to feel better.  I went back and looked at my calendar with curious eyes.  It was 13 days since I had a full day off without working.  It was 27 days since I just had a day at home where I didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything.  Yesterday was my day to do nothing.  To reassess.  To take time.  I had to fight the urge to do laundry, to answer texts about work, to send out and email or write this blog.  I had to tell myself, “Denise that will all be there tomorrow.  It can wait.” I had to remind myself all day long.  To stop myself, from doing something.

I watched movies instead.  I really like watching movies.  I took a bath. Ah it’s so nice to soak in the tub.  I did an hour of Pilates.  That made my back feel great.  I laid on the couch.  I did some online browsing.  I read.  I meditated.  I took my calcium.  I did some Spanish.  I cupped my knee and foot.  I drank my coffee while looking out the window.  So many simple pleasures in life.  I scheduled full days off in my calendar for the next month.  I woke up late and went to bed early.

I say so what if you stopped exercising.  Or stopped taking care of yourself.  Or overscheduled yourself.

Take notice and start again.  You might get back to a good routine and guess what you’ll fall off again.  The you must be willing to start again and again and again when this does happen to you.  And it’s bound to.

We just need the right mindset.

We need to be kind to ourselves and look at the big picture.

We need to notice when we aren’t feeling our bests or when our schedule is just too hectic to manage.

NOTICE and START AGAIN.  What a good motto….I had been thinking about racing as an image to keep in my line.  Every time you take the starting line, it's a new race, a new opportunity, a new start.  I plan to keep that in my mind each time I have to start again.

Is there anything you need to start again?  Share below and become accountable for your choices.

I am recommitting to my strengthening exercises and to writing and sending this blog out on Sundays.
 
With love,

Denise

As a mother I have been trying to teach my kids to be themselves their whole lives.  It’s a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, not just kids.  But kids, especially teenagers, are trying to figure out who they are.  They have strengths and weaknesses like we all do.  They are just not as tuned in to what those are always.  Really so many adults are not aware of their strength and weaknesses as well.

Listen Up!  DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY for anyone!

This is for the kids as well as the adults out there who may be reading.  We are born with inherent traits that who we are.  Accepting them and working with them is the way to be our best selves.  If you’re a serious person, you might always be on the serious side.  It’s doesn’t mean you can’t soften around that personality trait, but that really might be who you are.  That goes for any trait really.

Recently an adult in my son’s life told him “you should change your personality”.  This is a direct quote.  Luckily, I was there to hear the comment myself or I would not have believed it.

Seriously people.  Can we think about what comes out of our mouths?  I was a little shocked to say the least.  I am usually not stunned into silence, but this time I was.  And that is not an easy thing to do.

I think I didn’t say a word at that moment because I knew it didn’t matter.  A younger version of myself may have stood up and gotten extremely angry and would have shared a few choice words with this person and may have stormed out of the room.  But what would that have proved? I just knew it was this person’s true colors coming out.  I did get angry, but it was good not to re-act in such a way.  I calmed down and thought about the situation and talked about the situation with my son.  And I did respond and let my thoughts be know in a calm and reasonable way.

If someone wants you to change WHO YOU ARE…that someone has A LOT TO LEARN.

Sometimes we do have to examine OUR BEHAVIORS and they indeed should change.  When someone calls out our behavior, it gives us a chance to examine and explore how we act and respond to stimuli.  We might be grateful to them because sometimes our behaviors are habits that we don’t even notice because we have been responding in an unconscious way.  And whenever we are unconscious or not present, those habits can be holding us back.

But if someone wants you to change your personality, there are telling you that you are not good enough as you are.  We need to surround ourselves by people who accept who we are.

We all need to come from a place of wholeness.  When I teach kids or adults yoga, I often remind them who they are is who they are.

We need serious people, goofy people, emotional people, passionate people, stubborn people, thoughtful people, truthful people, pushy people, direct people, and all the other types of people.

What you call a negative personality trait may be a real benefit to that person.  Even those traits that we think are negative still make up the whole person.

We need to be kind.  Examine our own behaviors.  Let’s stop asking people to change who they are.  Let’s look at the big picture and focus on people’s strengths and behaviors.  And if someone needs to change a behavior, focus on that.
Pretending to be something you are not wounds our soul, our self-esteem, and drains our energy.

If you are in a position working with children, can you please build them up and not bring them down.  Be thoughtful of your words when interacting with them.  Words matter.  People matter.

I am grateful for this person for giving me a real-life experience to talk to my son about.  This is a difficult lesson for him to learn at such a young age. It’s better to learn now not to bow down and compromise who you are for someone else.  But I know someone else in the future will ask him to change who he is.  This happens to all of us.  And you must make a choice.  Continue to interact with that person or cut the ties. You always have a choice.

In this situation, the choice is clear.  Time to move on from the interaction and relationship with this person.
Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those that do don’t mine- Dr. Seuss
 
BE YOU!
Love,
Denise

Do you have the tools to find acceptance?  When you are in a situation when there is no good choice...you might feel conflicted, angry, exhausted, sorrow, hurt, or pain.

You must feel all the feelings.  Really feel them and let them come through to come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't come easy.  There might be a mental temper tantrum that happens, a kicking and screaming in your brain.

As a parent, we share our children’s' joys and sorrows, pain and happiness.  It's no joke.  It might bring flash backs of your past.  Painful memories that we thought were behind us might be re-lived again and again.

Better to experience those feelings even if they bring sorrow and tears.  But when all that emotion is processed, Acceptance may come to you.  

From a place of acceptance and presence, we can think through options and sit with information.

Acceptance is elusive, it can sneak away.  When it does, feelings can begin to churn again.  This is now.  This is what is happening now.  This is how I am feeling now.  This reminds me of when....what?

Bringing yourself back to right now, to present moment, allows us to lasso acceptance and reel it back to a place where we can grasp and hold onto it. 

Talking to people who have your back, sitting still in meditation, being in silence, might be some of the threads of the lasso that make it strong enough to capture the elusive acceptance.

We need a tool or tools to keep bringing acceptance back again and again.  It can be too fast and agile without the tools.  You can never move forward without that first step.

Remember when you are the most tired, exhausted, beat up, you still have tools to get you through those times.  YOU need to find the energy to use the tools you have at your disposal.

When acceptance is captured, there is a calm that might settle over you...the underlying emotions still might be present as well...but the calm is there all the same.

That calm is the place to make your decisions from.  Never a moment before.  

I hope that you have some tools that help you find and hold onto acceptance when you need it most.

Your tool box might include some kind of exercising, running, painting, journaling, screaming in the car, breathing, yoga practices, meditation, watching a sad or happy movie, reading, punching a pillow or punching bag, hiking, playing with your dog, talking with friends or a therapist.  

What do you do to process emotions to find acceptance when you are in a difficult situation?  Share so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise

Perspective and Experience.  Both things I think I have.  Both those things you can't bestow on another living being.

With perspective and experience, you can see when a situation needs to be addressed and changed.

With perspective and experience, you know there is only one outcome to a situation.

When you don't have perspective and experience, it seems like holding on to sameness is the way to go.

That change will give you freedom.  It will give you a chance to start over and release the burdens you have been carrying.

With perspective and experience, it's not quitting but moving on.

By moving on, you release the old patterns and start fresh.  You can open new doors that can take you to new places.

Yes starting fresh can be scary.  Anything new is.  Be brave!  Feel the scary and move on anyway!

In certain situations, there is no reason to stay.  Staying when you cannot change a situation is not brave or honorable or even good for you.  

It wears you down over time.  You might lose focus.  You might get tired.  You might get angry, resentful, frustrated.  Life is too short for any of those things, but you only realize that with perspective and experience.

Ever feel helpless when you could see something that another person could not?  You know you can’t change someone’s mind, because something they must learn for themselves.  How do you deal with that?  This perspective and experience blog arose from a situation that my 15-year-old needed to figure out on his own.  As a mother, it’s such a hard place to be in.

Share below so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise