(This is what 5-years-old looks like.  My daughter doesn't remember this story, but it's one I will  never forget.)

I was reminiscing and reading some of my old journal entries and wanted to share this one with you that I wrote on May 16th, 2011.  I think the lesson is even more important today in 2019.

My 5-year-old daughter confronts 2 first grade girls at our local elementary school playground who is not being nice to another girl who asks if she could play with them.  There was no fear from my 5-year-old.  Just a matter of fact "that's not nice".  I learned a lot from her that day and it's worth revisiting now.

Children can be our greatest teachers if we are open to their lessons.  

I saw the words forming on her lips from a distance, She was mouthing it to herself over and over a few times.  She looked at me and made of face of not quite understanding what the issue was at hand for these girls.  I encouraged her to speak her mind with a little nod of my head.  And she did!

The girls rationalized that this was only a 2-player game.  (They were playing kitchen with the mulch.) My 5-year-old responds by saying "you shouldn't make up the rules that way!" So true!

So many of our "rules" are just "rules" in our own mind.  They are made up and untrue.  

Shortly after that moment in time with my daughter, I had an experience of "What should I do?"  My son was playing baseball at the time.  And I overheard a coach say to one of the 8-year old boys on another team say: "You can't catch, you better be able to hit".  All I could think of was "That's not nice."  I was deeply conflicted.

I was angry and upset and knew if I heard this person speaking to my child like this there would be hell to pay.  As a coach there is no room for insults.  Were other people paying attention to what this person was saying to the children on the team?  Were they keeping quiet? Do you they recognize the negative affect this could have on an 8-year-old?  Was I blowing things out of proportion?  Maybe this person was having a bad day?  This person wasn't speaking to my kids that way, was it my business? Does anyone care? Do I care even though it wasn't my kid?  

I sat with it for a day....I DID CARE!

This was bothering me.  What should I do?  What would you do?Sometime you just have to state the obvious.  Maybe something will change, maybe it won't.  I hope this story can help you to be brave in that moment when you need to say That's just not nice.  Take the lead of my 5-year-old.  Adults can rationalize all day about a situation, where a child just might know the right thing to do.  Can you do the same? 

​What about me?  I did call the league president at the time to let them know my concern.....

You might not have any control of the outcome, but we do have a voice and can say "That's not nice".

Speak up say it's not nice.  Maybe as more of us point out the obvious.  We will feel more connected and "our collective voice" could be heard saying what needs to be said.

If a 5-year-old can do it, so can you and me!

Love,

​Denise 

Where do you spend your time?

You might not realize this, but you have all the time in the world, and so do I.  The one thing you can control is your schedule. 

You might want to look at your schedule periodically, so you can adjust it.

Take a close look at your calendar to see what it is you value the most.  You might be surprised to see where you are spending your time. 

You might say you value your family, but then spend every free moment working even when its family time  You might say you value your health, but have no time or use the excuse of being busy to not really take care of your health.  You might value being with friends or having some fun, but never do those things. 

You might not know that you are not actually living your values until you do this exercise.  You my friend are the only one who has this control. 

There is one powerful sentence that you can get familiar with to take control over your schedule and your life. 

That sentence is…NO.

NO (period) is a complete sentence.

For example:
Want to start your own company?  Say NO to TV in the evening.  Want to hang out with friends?  Say NO to clients who want the time you would spend with friends on the weekend.  Want to have a quiet hour to yourself?  Say NO to volunteering at your kid’s school that one time.  Want to get in shape? Say NO to Facebook time.  You get the idea.

But first things first:

FIRST. What are your values?
Spend a few minutes thinking about your values.  What are the 3-5 things that are important to you?  And write them down?  Here is a list of values (see below) if you are having a hard time thinking of what I am talking about. 

NEXT Practice saying no.
For example: Mom can you do my laundry? NO.  Here is how you can do it yourself.  20 minutes of time back in your schedule.

NOW Schedule things that are in line with your values.
Go for a walk with a friend- exercise and socializing. Or whatever it is you want to do but feel too busy to do.

Don’t use busy as an excuse not to live the life you want to live.

Happy exploring!  What are your values? Remember to reassess them every so often, because they can change.

Today my values include Community, Connection, Live within my means, Simplicity, Education, Self-Care and Honoring Myself.

Maybe you have more than this maybe you have less.  Share them here if you want.
​
Love,

Denise

stoppedWhen life gets busy, what’s the first thing to fall away?  Self-care? Exercise? Fun things you like to do? The answer I see more times then not for myself and in my client’s lives is YES, YES, YES.  Life gets hectic and out of control.  Someone gets sick.  There is a situation with your child you must manage.  There are extra activities and events at work and school.  A big presentation or project on the horizon?

Recently my life was just a little overwhelming.  It’s easy to say what the heck and just give up on the things that help us to feel better.  I went back and looked at my calendar with curious eyes.  It was 13 days since I had a full day off without working.  It was 27 days since I just had a day at home where I didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything.  Yesterday was my day to do nothing.  To reassess.  To take time.  I had to fight the urge to do laundry, to answer texts about work, to send out and email or write this blog.  I had to tell myself, “Denise that will all be there tomorrow.  It can wait.” I had to remind myself all day long.  To stop myself, from doing something.

I watched movies instead.  I really like watching movies.  I took a bath. Ah it’s so nice to soak in the tub.  I did an hour of Pilates.  That made my back feel great.  I laid on the couch.  I did some online browsing.  I read.  I meditated.  I took my calcium.  I did some Spanish.  I cupped my knee and foot.  I drank my coffee while looking out the window.  So many simple pleasures in life.  I scheduled full days off in my calendar for the next month.  I woke up late and went to bed early.

I say so what if you stopped exercising.  Or stopped taking care of yourself.  Or overscheduled yourself.

Take notice and start again.  You might get back to a good routine and guess what you’ll fall off again.  The you must be willing to start again and again and again when this does happen to you.  And it’s bound to.

We just need the right mindset.

We need to be kind to ourselves and look at the big picture.

We need to notice when we aren’t feeling our bests or when our schedule is just too hectic to manage.

NOTICE and START AGAIN.  What a good motto….I had been thinking about racing as an image to keep in my line.  Every time you take the starting line, it's a new race, a new opportunity, a new start.  I plan to keep that in my mind each time I have to start again.

Is there anything you need to start again?  Share below and become accountable for your choices.

I am recommitting to my strengthening exercises and to writing and sending this blog out on Sundays.
 
With love,

Denise

As a mother I have been trying to teach my kids to be themselves their whole lives.  It’s a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, not just kids.  But kids, especially teenagers, are trying to figure out who they are.  They have strengths and weaknesses like we all do.  They are just not as tuned in to what those are always.  Really so many adults are not aware of their strength and weaknesses as well.

Listen Up!  DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY for anyone!

This is for the kids as well as the adults out there who may be reading.  We are born with inherent traits that who we are.  Accepting them and working with them is the way to be our best selves.  If you’re a serious person, you might always be on the serious side.  It’s doesn’t mean you can’t soften around that personality trait, but that really might be who you are.  That goes for any trait really.

Recently an adult in my son’s life told him “you should change your personality”.  This is a direct quote.  Luckily, I was there to hear the comment myself or I would not have believed it.

Seriously people.  Can we think about what comes out of our mouths?  I was a little shocked to say the least.  I am usually not stunned into silence, but this time I was.  And that is not an easy thing to do.

I think I didn’t say a word at that moment because I knew it didn’t matter.  A younger version of myself may have stood up and gotten extremely angry and would have shared a few choice words with this person and may have stormed out of the room.  But what would that have proved? I just knew it was this person’s true colors coming out.  I did get angry, but it was good not to re-act in such a way.  I calmed down and thought about the situation and talked about the situation with my son.  And I did respond and let my thoughts be know in a calm and reasonable way.

If someone wants you to change WHO YOU ARE…that someone has A LOT TO LEARN.

Sometimes we do have to examine OUR BEHAVIORS and they indeed should change.  When someone calls out our behavior, it gives us a chance to examine and explore how we act and respond to stimuli.  We might be grateful to them because sometimes our behaviors are habits that we don’t even notice because we have been responding in an unconscious way.  And whenever we are unconscious or not present, those habits can be holding us back.

But if someone wants you to change your personality, there are telling you that you are not good enough as you are.  We need to surround ourselves by people who accept who we are.

We all need to come from a place of wholeness.  When I teach kids or adults yoga, I often remind them who they are is who they are.

We need serious people, goofy people, emotional people, passionate people, stubborn people, thoughtful people, truthful people, pushy people, direct people, and all the other types of people.

What you call a negative personality trait may be a real benefit to that person.  Even those traits that we think are negative still make up the whole person.

We need to be kind.  Examine our own behaviors.  Let’s stop asking people to change who they are.  Let’s look at the big picture and focus on people’s strengths and behaviors.  And if someone needs to change a behavior, focus on that.
Pretending to be something you are not wounds our soul, our self-esteem, and drains our energy.

If you are in a position working with children, can you please build them up and not bring them down.  Be thoughtful of your words when interacting with them.  Words matter.  People matter.

I am grateful for this person for giving me a real-life experience to talk to my son about.  This is a difficult lesson for him to learn at such a young age. It’s better to learn now not to bow down and compromise who you are for someone else.  But I know someone else in the future will ask him to change who he is.  This happens to all of us.  And you must make a choice.  Continue to interact with that person or cut the ties. You always have a choice.

In this situation, the choice is clear.  Time to move on from the interaction and relationship with this person.
Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those that do don’t mine- Dr. Seuss
 
BE YOU!
Love,
Denise

Do you have the tools to find acceptance?  When you are in a situation when there is no good choice...you might feel conflicted, angry, exhausted, sorrow, hurt, or pain.

You must feel all the feelings.  Really feel them and let them come through to come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't come easy.  There might be a mental temper tantrum that happens, a kicking and screaming in your brain.

As a parent, we share our children’s' joys and sorrows, pain and happiness.  It's no joke.  It might bring flash backs of your past.  Painful memories that we thought were behind us might be re-lived again and again.

Better to experience those feelings even if they bring sorrow and tears.  But when all that emotion is processed, Acceptance may come to you.  

From a place of acceptance and presence, we can think through options and sit with information.

Acceptance is elusive, it can sneak away.  When it does, feelings can begin to churn again.  This is now.  This is what is happening now.  This is how I am feeling now.  This reminds me of when....what?

Bringing yourself back to right now, to present moment, allows us to lasso acceptance and reel it back to a place where we can grasp and hold onto it. 

Talking to people who have your back, sitting still in meditation, being in silence, might be some of the threads of the lasso that make it strong enough to capture the elusive acceptance.

We need a tool or tools to keep bringing acceptance back again and again.  It can be too fast and agile without the tools.  You can never move forward without that first step.

Remember when you are the most tired, exhausted, beat up, you still have tools to get you through those times.  YOU need to find the energy to use the tools you have at your disposal.

When acceptance is captured, there is a calm that might settle over you...the underlying emotions still might be present as well...but the calm is there all the same.

That calm is the place to make your decisions from.  Never a moment before.  

I hope that you have some tools that help you find and hold onto acceptance when you need it most.

Your tool box might include some kind of exercising, running, painting, journaling, screaming in the car, breathing, yoga practices, meditation, watching a sad or happy movie, reading, punching a pillow or punching bag, hiking, playing with your dog, talking with friends or a therapist.  

What do you do to process emotions to find acceptance when you are in a difficult situation?  Share so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise

Perspective and Experience.  Both things I think I have.  Both those things you can't bestow on another living being.

With perspective and experience, you can see when a situation needs to be addressed and changed.

With perspective and experience, you know there is only one outcome to a situation.

When you don't have perspective and experience, it seems like holding on to sameness is the way to go.

That change will give you freedom.  It will give you a chance to start over and release the burdens you have been carrying.

With perspective and experience, it's not quitting but moving on.

By moving on, you release the old patterns and start fresh.  You can open new doors that can take you to new places.

Yes starting fresh can be scary.  Anything new is.  Be brave!  Feel the scary and move on anyway!

In certain situations, there is no reason to stay.  Staying when you cannot change a situation is not brave or honorable or even good for you.  

It wears you down over time.  You might lose focus.  You might get tired.  You might get angry, resentful, frustrated.  Life is too short for any of those things, but you only realize that with perspective and experience.

Ever feel helpless when you could see something that another person could not?  You know you can’t change someone’s mind, because something they must learn for themselves.  How do you deal with that?  This perspective and experience blog arose from a situation that my 15-year-old needed to figure out on his own.  As a mother, it’s such a hard place to be in.

Share below so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

Denise

Ever have a people suck week?
​
That's what I was thinking until the Universe or God or Whoever sent me a message.

Sometimes we can get caught up in the negativity of the world.  Yeah sometimes people suck.

But most of the time they don't.  When we are having a particularly trying week, you might start to believe this.  We say it in our heads, we notice more when people are at their worst.  It can become a negative mantra of sorts.  

If it really gets stuck in your head, it can turn into a belief.  Growing up my dad had this belief.  And it really brought him down.  You start just seeing the negative and you miss out on the positive.

For me, I truly believe people are mostly good.  This doesn't apply to everyone because there are plenty of people who do bad things.  Unfortunately, news is filled with this.  There is not a balance of headline with people doing amazing great things.  

So as I was going along having this false statement of people suck in my mind when BAM...

2 Messages come to me:

The first one "You're only human"  a direct quote to me from a very loving and kind Thai Yoga Bodywork client of mine who I had forgotten to put on my schedule when I was sick and who waited for me to come in after she kindly texted me to see where I was and gave me time to get my butt to the studio to see her.

Yep I am human.  I tell people that all the time when I am teaching yoga.  I'm blessed that there was someone there to remind and reflect this back to me.  Because it's a lot easier to say this to others than it is to say it to our self.

And message two, came through just a day later.  A stranger bought me a coffee.  I never saw this woman before.  She was in line ahead of me.  I smiled at her and said hello.  I ordered and she quickly presented a gift card on her phone.  My thoughts changed in an instant.  So many questions popping in to my head all at once....

Did she sense I was having a bad week?  Was she just planning on buying a stranger coffee that morning?  
I was stunned at first.  I did turn toward her in time to thank her as she walked quickly out the door.  

I continued to process and felt perplexed and full of emotion.  I had to hold back tears.  Were they tears of joy? Relief? Happiness? A combination?

People don't suck.  Of course, I know that.  Thank you! Is all I can say to Universe or Whoever sent me the message.  I am grateful that I was mindful enough to realize these messages and reset my thoughts. I want to believe people are good at their core.

Did you ever get a message from God or the Universe?  How was it delivered?  Did it give you hope?  

Share in the comment section below so we can all learn from each other!

With Love,
​Denise

What's important right now?
What do you care about most?
​
Where do you want to be at this moment?
How can you make a difference in the world?

Big or Small
You are important in this world 

You have choices
You can get direction and guidance
You can give direction and guidance

Life is not easy
But it's Ok when its hard
Accept the difficult times

Telling someone else
Can give you courage to change, to see, to be
To do something about it

​Be Courageous

I'm here to tell you that flawed action is better than no action.

This comes up for me all the time.  You may have read my email newsletter that I sent out the other day.  I had a lot of information to get out and missed a few things.  Mostly spelling errors.  You might say to me...

Denise you're not being professional if you send out an email with misspelled words. 

Oh by the way, can you see the 2 errors in the photo above?

Next time I will be a bit more deliberate, but I really wanted to get the information out and I had a certain amount of time to do it in, so I just did it in that time frame and it wasn't perfect. 

I did a check through constant contact all the links and dates were right, the program just doesn't have that darn spell check.  

Anyway, how many of you keep putting off doing something because you want to get it right or are afraid of getting it wrong.

​You won't put yourself out there because thoughts of "I'm not ready", "I can't change", "I need more education", "I need a little more time to get this just right", or "I'm just not sure". "I'm not smart enough", "I'm not....you fill in the blank".

These thoughts slow us down.  We can get so bogged down that no action happens for a very looooong time.

If you find yourself thinking these things, don't let them hold you back, and remember this again and again flawed action is better than no action.  

Of course, if you were a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller this doesn't necessarily apply.  But there are a ton of little things we get hung up on that might nudge us in the right direction.

For me, I got the information out.  Someone pointed out my flawed attempt...

And I was grateful for that. 

Really!  I don't feel bad that things were spelled wrong.  I will remember next time to do a quick read through, but I accomplished my goal of getting all the cool things happening at our yoga studio out to the public.

Will people judge me for it?

​Maybe.  But that's not on me.  That's on them.

Sometimes I screw up when I am teaching a class as well.  I forget a pose on one side.  I get rights and lefts mixed up and have to just say "switch" sides.  Sometimes we are tired.  Sometimes we feel time crunches.  Sometimes if we just don't push send- nothing will happen.

And we get stuck.

I am human.  I am flawed, but I get stuff done and I move toward my goals even if it's not perfect.  Even if I make a mistake or 10, it's Ok to do so.  Nothing is perfect.  No one is perfect.

Do you think you need to be perfect? Think again.

Be flawed.  Put yourself out there.  Show people you are human and take action.  That misstep helped me to write this post.  Maybe it will touch someone and they will take action even if it's not perfect, even if they aren't sure what action is teh right one.

See that make me feel good about my mistake.  It's not so bad to make them.

What flawed action have you taken to reach a goal? Or have you been stuck because you want to get something just right?

​Post below so we can all learn from each other!

Warmly,

Denise

Over the summer, I had decided to catch up on some chores that had not been done in years.  Years of living in my wonderful house.  There are some chores that take up A LOT of time, but you don't realize it until you get started.  

One of those chores on this particular day was power washing my pool deck.  I don't recall doing it once in the 8 years that I had lived in my home.  It seemed fine.  I didn't think it was that bad, until I got started. 

WOW!  

The accumulation of dirt and debris was unbelievable.  This was going to be a bigger task than I first thought.  So I decide to take my time.  Only 1-2 hours a day instead of tackling the whole things at once.  

I realized a couple of things that week.

1. Until you give your utmost attention to anything, you don't really know what you will discover

2.   The work became something to look forward to...it was a meditative time to feel water splashing on my feet, to pay close attention to detail so I wouldn't miss a spot, to feel a sense of accomplishment....seeing the difference my work made (see photo).

3.  I realized I could compare my pool deck to people's lives, bodies, and emotions.  Sometime we don't realize what "stuff" is accumulating in our hearts, bodies, and minds because it's such a slow process over time.  That pool deck didn't get layer and layer of dirt on it overnight.  It took years and years of neglect for it to get to the point that is was at that moment.  

Our hearts, bodies, and mind are sometimes neglected for years and years as well.  And we don't notice the those things that can build up inside of us ...fear, anger, despair, sadness.  All the things that can't be seen until you start to pay attention, until you do something about it.  

We need a power washer to rid those things within us.  My power washer for my life has been yoga, meditation, and contemplation.   Just like I took a week to clean the pool deck, I have taken many years to add practices and refine them.  If I jumped all into those things at once, I might have just walked away before I noticed a difference.  

You can wash away those cumulative hurts, but it takes time and the right tool.  For my pool deck, it was a power washer.

For your hear, mind, or spirit, it might be mindfulness, yoga, meditation, contemplation, therapy, self study or some other tool, but you need a tool.

It's only when we "know" there is an accumulation of ________(you fill in the blank).  When we stop and decide to work on it.  Can you see just how tarnished you felt.  Can you see it's there?  Can you say Oh yeah, that's a problem for me.  Then we can start to work to rise all that "stuff" away that is maybe holding us back or making us feel like we aren't who we really are.  

Because under that "dirt" is a bright light, an amazing person that wants to shine through.  That's been there all along.  

What techniques or tools do  you use in your life to wash away anything your body, mind, or soul doesn't need?

Share below so we can all learn from each other!

Did I mention, this takes time, patience, and persistence, and paying really close attention to what's pulling you away from the present moment.

Namaste.  The light in me honor the light in you!

​Denise

I love the time around New Years. It reminds me to look back at the past year to see what felt great in my life and what was just meh or downright awful.
 
I look through my calendar day by day "to see" where my time, money, and attention was spent. This is done while having a written list of my personal values close by to see if I have been true to myself or not.
 
I must do this to remember. I forget so many things good and not so good. I think we tend to remember the not so good things more than the good. So, a reflection on the past, helps to plan your future. And focus on the good and the progress and growth that happens in a year and maybe even in several years.
 
This past year brought me:
 
To a new yoga space, one that is filled with warmth (literally from radiant floor heat) and so many new friends I have met through our community.
 
To meeting so many new professionals talking about Yoga Therapy, to Tai Chi, to meditation.
 
To being awarded a mentor pin from my 15-year-old son who received his Eagle Scout Award.
 
To paying extra close attention to my body and building strength to help alleviate back pain I had been experiencing for some time.
 
To starting an "exercise class" Core Strength and Balance that was new to me teaching that has been so much fun and helpful in keeping me motivated to do core strengthening.
 
To letting go of the things that were not enriching my life.
 
To letting go of relationships that didn't sync up with my personal values.
 
What was missing in 2018?
 
Education...The stuff that keeps my creativity flowing and time away to give me space from my day to day.
 
I realized in my year review that I had been putting off some course that I have been wanting to take for some time now. I love to take courses and to learn new things and ways to help myself and my clients as well.
 
For example, I had been looking at this Life Coaching Course at a local community college for more than the last year, but it's only on Saturdays and Saturdays are busy with my family and I teach yoga on Saturdays. Case in point....there will never be a good time to take this course, AND I signed up for it New Year's Day and I will not be able to teach my Saturday Class and I will miss a Gymnastics and Swim meet, AND it will be just fine when I explain that all to my students and family members.
 
SO, I registered, and I can't wait to attend!
 
Other exciting opportunities that I already scheduled? A weekend in a Tiny House to give it a go, a sports medicine class in Boston that will keep my young gymnast her healthiest, A myofascial release course that's been on my to do for 10 years!
 
How many people have you heard I'll do that when...I am on vacation, or when my kids are older, or some other time in the future? That when might never come.
 
I say listen to your heart and start today. Make the time for what's important to you. Write those things on the calendar before your calendar gets filled up with all the other things to do.
 
I encourage you to look at your calendar and see what you did last year and see what is calling you and challenge yourself to follow the call...Make it work somehow. Don't wait to learn and grow. Do it now. Ask for help. Take baby steps to design the life you want to live.
 
Happy New Year! And let us know what it is that you have been drawn to doing.... writing a book, learning an instrument, painting, starting an exercise program, switching jobs, spending more time with family, traveling adventures?
 
With Love,
 
Denise

When I first heard this questions, I thought it was the best.  It can apply to anything new that might be happening in our lives or it might apply when we know we need to make a change but we just don't know where to start.

Fear can be so paralyzing at times, that we do nothing for so long, while longing for something different to happen.  

We get stuck and stick with what we know even though, something better might be just around the corner.  

You have to want something more than you are afraid of it to make a change.

Want to live a less busy life?
Want to lose weight or get in shape?  
Want a new job or start your own business?
Want a better relationship with your spouse or children?

YOU can improve your situation, most of the time, but a lot of people are afraid.  They get stuck.  They don't know what to do, so they do nothing at all.

If you are in this predicament at the moment, I think you should ask yourself this question: 

Do I want it more than I am afraid of it?

And then...
Really think about it. 

And then ask...
Am I stuck?

And really think about that too. 

And then ask yourself:

What is the one things I can do that is different than what I am doing now to make that change happen?

Sometime I like to throw in one more questions:

What's the worst thing that would happen if I followed this through?

My mind gives some fantastical stories.  Then I  have to ask:

Are they true?...most times they are not.  And that helps to give me perspective.

What do you want more than you are afraid of?  Is there something in your life right now you want to change? What's worse doing the same thing over and over again or getting a little uncomfortable with change? What do you have to do to live a life you want to live? How will you start making small changes to make it happen?

Share in the comment section below so we can all learn from one another!

Here's to asking the right questions!

Love,

Denise

I have been feeling a little angry this week.  Angry about "the world" not seeing the big picture anymore.  And also feeling ALONE in my thinking.  

Why do we get so hyper-focused in the things we do?  Why can't we remember what is really important...the essence of all things and activities?

I'll give you two examples:

1) My son will be entering high school next year.  At the parent orientation the school talked the good talk about our kids having a balanced course schedule, but  it felt insincere to me.  The voice in my head was shouting "liar liar pants on fire."

When thinking about school, some people are focused just on the grades and on the college and on setting a kids up for success in life and I say wait a sec...slow down.  What's the purpose of school?  What's the essence of that experience for yourself or your children?  

It's not about how many AP courses you can jam into your schedule or about his weighted ranking. I see this thinking as a direct flight to stress and anxiety.

The essence of school is to figuring out what my son might like to, how he can contribute in this world, what might be his purpose, how to be independent, how to make tough decision, how to find out what he values, and to make mistakes that he can learn from. 

Maybe it's OK not to take one more AP class, or get a bad grade, or not turn in an assignment.  In the big picture, does this really matter?  And why do we get so worked up about it?  Do we really have to micromanage our children or anyone else for that matter?

2) My daughter was getting an assessment for softball so she could be ranked for a draft.  I was very conflicted about this process.  She was in 5th grade for god's sake.  Anyway, while sitting there, I over heard a man who was going to be a coach say.  "I don't mind coaching a team as long as I get a couple of bats and pitches."  This made me so fired up.  Again 3rd-5th graders we are talking about, not major league professional athletes.  I would never want this guy to coach my kid.  He's not understanding the essence of kids sports, he is just worried about "bats and pitches", not about my kid.

What is the essence of kids sports? It's NOT about being ranked #1; to win, win, win.  It's for kids to learn to persist, to find the value in practice, to interact with their peers and learn sportsmanship within their own team and between the teams they play.  It's to work hard and keep trying when you are having a bad day and things are tough and not going your way.

I wish that we would stop more in order to shift our perspective. Taking a little time, would help us to remember the essence of things, to boil down those activities that we do every day, so we can get to the core of the matter.

Maybe you can look at something that you do in your life and re-think the why of it? Maybe taking that time will give you a different perspective?  Maybe we would all have a little less stress and more joy if we lived this way....JUST MAYBE....

What do you think?  Can you think of any other examples of when or where these principles can be applied to your life? Or when there are other times you might forget the big picture?  

Please share below so we can all learn from each other.

Warmly,

​Denise

I had 2 opportunities to play ball inside with my daughter this month. It was precarious. Things could have been broken, but it was worth the risk. Our relationship was strengthened. That is more important than ANY THING I own.

The first time we played ball, it was totally for her. It was cold and raining and she had softball evaluations later that day. So we played inside. It was fun and spontaneous.

On the second occasion it was for me.  I bought a volleyball.  I love/loved volleyball and had not played in so many years. My daughter choose one for me at the store.  It was so colorful.  She happened to pick it up, for a few minutes, I had fun, I  had some play time, and was able to teach her a couple of things.

Did you noticed I mentioned fun 2x already?  FUN IS GOOD. FUN CAN BE SPONTANEOUS.  Fun can happen indoors on rainy days for short or long periods of time.

Making time for "playing ball", being spontaneous even when conditions are not ideal is really important in my opinion. You can play in so many ways.  Maybe it's not ball in the house.  Maybe it's a video tournament with your kids.  Maybe you can make a masterpiece.  

Fun in important in life.  It renews our energy.  It connects us to each other, perhaps a spouse, friend, child, or parent.  So if FUN knocks on your door in a way that's not practical-Like when it's raining and you might break something.  I challenge you to take that risk. To jump in and have spontaneous fun.  Build your energy and make connections.

My advice Play ball inside! I think you might see that it was worth it!

How do you play ball inside?  Have you had a recent experience that you can relate this to?  Please share below in the comments your thought and examples, so we all can learn from each other.

​Maybe you will be more open to doing so if the experience comes your way.

With love,

Denise

"Commitment is an agreement or pledge to do something in the future."  When I looked up the meaning, it kind of made me pause.  
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In yoga, we tell you to focus on the present on the here and now.  So for a commitment to stand you have to look to the future and make a promise that you will do it.

I see priorities shifting in people's schedule all the time (myself included). Often we commit to something, we change our mind, try again, again something comes up.  I see this in some of my student's yoga practice as well.  There can always be something better to do, than what you have planned today. I guess that's the problem with the future and the difficulty with commitment.  

A pledge is a binding promise or agreement.  We will keep our pledges to others but will quickly break a pledge to ourselves.  Why do so many people break their commitment or pledge to take care of themselves?  As a wellness professional, I find this very heartbreaking because in the long run I know there will be pain and suffering that comes with that.

In general, we know what will help us to stay healthy and to be happy, but there is this pressure to do other things: work things, family things, house things, many things that interfere with our commitments to our health and well being. 

Don't you function better when you are healthy and happy?

We have yoga students and bodywork clients who are just rock solid with their commitment to show up at a class or make regular appointments to take care of their bodies. When I asked them what their driving force was, here are some replies:

"I know what it feels like to be in pain from and injury and never ever wanting to experience that again, so I put my workout and bodywork appointments in my calendar. It keep me focused on my health."-AW

"This is the one thing I do for myself and it always makes me feel better after I get a session.  I work so hard all the other time  of the week."-EY

"Life is no different for me than everyone else: I'm busy and over-committed between work, family, and a myriad of other responsibilities.  I make time for yoga and taking care of myself because it's some of the best time I spend all week and it gives me the energy I need to meet other commitments,  Yoga is an essential part of my life." -FA

"I'm a busy professional and father and experience a lot of stress and time demands.  Monthly Thai sessions are an oasis in an other wise crazy life.  The sessions help me to manage emotional stress, physical aches and pains, and generally a reset of my mind, body and spirit." -PM

Personally, when I turned 40, I committed to a monthly bodywork session.  It has helped me to manage so many things.  I look forward to my monthly sessions.  I always, always book my next session because if I do not, I won't necessarily have the open space in my schedule when I need some healing work.  I have been doing this for my yoga practice as well.  Scheduling a class with the same teacher each week has been a good practice for me.  Even though I can do yoga on my own at home.  Having someone guide me and to give me something else to think about during class has been invaluable.

Committing to health and well being makes the rest of your life run more smoothly.  Even though it's hard to keep those commitments to yourself, it's so worth it in the end.  You often do get the immediate results of this.  It might not even seem to be making a difference until you stop doing it.  And there will always to the temptation to stop because life happens.  BUT you can recommit at anytime.  So if you have let your well-being take a back seat, I urge you to recommit today.

Sign up and pay for a weekly yoga or meditation class now.  Stick with a day and a certain teacher. After 8 weeks, you might have a new healthy habit that fuels and energizes and focuses you enough to do all the other commitments you have. The practice might also make it clearer that some commitments that are not serving you need to go.

Get a monthly or bimonthly bodywork sessions when you stick with a specific body worker or massage therapist, they get to know your bodies quirks and can help you navigate your habits that might be causing you dysfunction, stress, or strain in your body.

If you are committed to a wellness practice, share your why below!  Perhaps you will inspire other to re-commit to their health and well-being too!

Love,

Denise