Don't Change Who You Are for Anyone (Part 3 of 3) By: Denise Orsulak

As a mother I have been trying to teach my kids to be themselves their whole lives.  It’s a difficult thing to do for a lot of people, not just kids.  But kids, especially teenagers, are trying to figure out who they are.  They have strengths and weaknesses like we all do.  They are just not as tuned in to what those are always.  Really so many adults are not aware of their strength and weaknesses as well.

Listen Up!  DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY for anyone!

This is for the kids as well as the adults out there who may be reading.  We are born with inherent traits that who we are.  Accepting them and working with them is the way to be our best selves.  If you’re a serious person, you might always be on the serious side.  It’s doesn’t mean you can’t soften around that personality trait, but that really might be who you are.  That goes for any trait really.

Recently an adult in my son’s life told him “you should change your personality”.  This is a direct quote.  Luckily, I was there to hear the comment myself or I would not have believed it.

Seriously people.  Can we think about what comes out of our mouths?  I was a little shocked to say the least.  I am usually not stunned into silence, but this time I was.  And that is not an easy thing to do.

I think I didn’t say a word at that moment because I knew it didn’t matter.  A younger version of myself may have stood up and gotten extremely angry and would have shared a few choice words with this person and may have stormed out of the room.  But what would that have proved? I just knew it was this person’s true colors coming out.  I did get angry, but it was good not to re-act in such a way.  I calmed down and thought about the situation and talked about the situation with my son.  And I did respond and let my thoughts be know in a calm and reasonable way.

If someone wants you to change WHO YOU ARE…that someone has A LOT TO LEARN.

Sometimes we do have to examine OUR BEHAVIORS and they indeed should change.  When someone calls out our behavior, it gives us a chance to examine and explore how we act and respond to stimuli.  We might be grateful to them because sometimes our behaviors are habits that we don’t even notice because we have been responding in an unconscious way.  And whenever we are unconscious or not present, those habits can be holding us back.

But if someone wants you to change your personality, there are telling you that you are not good enough as you are.  We need to surround ourselves by people who accept who we are.

We all need to come from a place of wholeness.  When I teach kids or adults yoga, I often remind them who they are is who they are.

We need serious people, goofy people, emotional people, passionate people, stubborn people, thoughtful people, truthful people, pushy people, direct people, and all the other types of people.

What you call a negative personality trait may be a real benefit to that person.  Even those traits that we think are negative still make up the whole person.

We need to be kind.  Examine our own behaviors.  Let’s stop asking people to change who they are.  Let’s look at the big picture and focus on people’s strengths and behaviors.  And if someone needs to change a behavior, focus on that.
Pretending to be something you are not wounds our soul, our self-esteem, and drains our energy.

If you are in a position working with children, can you please build them up and not bring them down.  Be thoughtful of your words when interacting with them.  Words matter.  People matter.

I am grateful for this person for giving me a real-life experience to talk to my son about.  This is a difficult lesson for him to learn at such a young age. It’s better to learn now not to bow down and compromise who you are for someone else.  But I know someone else in the future will ask him to change who he is.  This happens to all of us.  And you must make a choice.  Continue to interact with that person or cut the ties. You always have a choice.

In this situation, the choice is clear.  Time to move on from the interaction and relationship with this person.
Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those that do don’t mine- Dr. Seuss
 
BE YOU!
Love,
Denise